stephen R Harrison

(A little longer than normal, but hopefully a helpful read)

In baseball, you don’t have to swing at every pitch thrown at you. The same goes for criticism, accusation, attacks, and lies against your character. While we feel like we must, we don’t have to answer every critic. I used to think I had to respond to every criticism or accusation someone said to or about me. I would let it get under my skin, and boy would it itch! Most critics don’t say things to you personally these days. They usually do so in gossip or slander to someone else or passive aggressively through means such as a social media tweet or comment. Sometimes, people even attempt to disguise attacks as prayer requests! Do we have to respond to everything someone says about us?

I remember an instance where someone kept taking jabs at me over a period of time. To the outsider, and even some insiders, some of this person’s accusations may have seemed legit. Those small statements against some of my decisions and words were false, guised in spiritual wisdom and discernment, and usually proposed as “God told me”. How was I to respond to that? I mean, if “God told them”, it must be true, right? Hardly. God doesn’t lie, but people do. He’s not mean, but people are. He always leads us into all truth and towards reconciliation as brothers and sisters in Christ. In those moments, I felt as though I should defend myself – my reputation, decisions, ministry, etc. Afterall, people needed to know the truth about me! I couldn’t let them attack me like that! Or could I?

Their statements kept me up at night. They insulted the effectiveness of my ministry and even the validity of my calling. They even questioned my ability to hear from the Lord and told others I could not! Truthfully, their false words made me mad and cut me to the core. Their statements were never brought to me privately out of concern for unity but were always voiced publicly in opposition. They didn’t seek prayer with me to help grow in Christ. They didn’t desire to sit down with Scripture in hand so we could come to unity. They weren’t seeking restoration in our relationship. What they had to say was divisive! It was as if they stored them up, waiting to use them as ammo at the right time. So, why did I feel compelled to respond? Why couldn’t I just shake it off? How was I to respond?

In the moment, I doubted who I was in Christ. I doubted the Lord’s ability to fight this battle for me. The more I thought about what to do, the more I either became angry or hurt. I had several comeback statements ready and even some instances to bring up where they had fallen short. The old “eye for an eye” approach seemed better than grace and silence in the moment. I realized when their words made me angry, I was tempted to respond in anger. If they hurt me, I wanted to hurt them back. Even when I got my thoughts and emotions in check, I questioned how to respond. I wanted to respond, even felt I needed to respond, but I knew wisdom was found in simply being quiet. But that was hard to do!

Sometimes, we must respond. Proverbs 31:9 says, “Speak up, judge righteously, and defend the rights of the afflicted and oppressed.” If someone is gossiping, slandering, or lying about someone else, we must respond to protect their character. If someone is being hateful, abusive, or just plain mean to someone else, we must respond with boldness and speak truth in love. However, when it is about you personally, you have a choice. I don’t have to respond to every critic. If I choose to, it must be in humility with love, kindness, and respect. I had taken steps towards reconciliation as Matthew 18:15-17 states, ultimately to no avail. I knew I was to “live at peace with all men, as much as depends on you” (Romans 12:18). I knew I was to live above reproach and not give the devil a foothold. I knew I must repent, be humble, ask for forgiveness, seek reconciliation, and pray for my enemy. I knew “a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).

I knew I had to do my part. I just couldn’t do theirs.

Jesus did not feel the need to always respond to everything said about or to Him. Isaiah 53:7 predicted this would happen: “He (Jesus) was oppressed and afflicted, yet He did not open His mouth. Like a lamb led to the slaughter and like a sheep silent before her shearers, He did not open His mouth”. When accusers and critics took jabs at Jesus, He sometimes responded with truth. Sometimes He would answer deceptive traps with a parable. Sometimes He just stayed silent. This was what I was learning.

Sometimes the best way to be Christlike when under attack is to be silent, let your reputation speak for itself, and let the Lord fight your battle. I was reminded of a Scripture during the last attack. Proverbs 19:11 said, “A person’s wisdom yields patience. It is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” When this person attacked me in the guise of spiritual maturity, this verse instantly welled up inside of me. I sensed the Holy Spirit’s presence and protection in a “Don’t worry, I’ve got you” moment. The Lord would bring out the truth. They would have to answer to Him for their words. I suddenly had the peace of God for three reasons: I knew who I was in Christ, I knew the truth of God, and I trusted God to fight my battle.

I knew who I was in Christ. I knew my calling, my actions, and my motives. And so did God. I remember praying in that very moment in case there was some truth in their statements, “Search me, God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24). It’s not wrong to listen to criticism, check it for validity, examine our hearts for sin, and use it to grow in Christ. If what they are saying is 5% right, repent for the 5%. Just don’t let it taint the other 95%. As a general rule of thumb, when it’s obvious someone is striking with venom, it’s best to keep your distance or they will infect you with their poison of anger, vengeance, and hatred. In those times we must “be still and know He is God” (Psalm 46:10). In those times we must be like Jesus in Matthew 27:12-14: “And while He (Jesus) was being accused by the chief priests and elders, He didn’t answer. Then Pilate said to Him, ‘Don’t You hear how much they are testifying against You?’ But He didn’t answer him on even one charge.” Easier said than done, I know, but well worth it.

I had rightly tried the steps to reconciliation. I had also foolishly tried petty comebacks and quips. Fighting fire with fire isn’t the way of Christ. Humility, walking in the Spirit, displaying the fruits of the Spirit, controlling my tongue, taking my thoughts captive, pursuing peace, standing on God’s Word, walking worthy of my calling, and trusting the Lord were the way of Christ. God knew my motives and actions. If He was well pleased and if I wasn’t in sin, in violation of Scripture, or out of God’s will, then I should have confidence in my identity in Christ and His mission for my life. Being quiet doesn’t mean they got the last word or that you are a pushover. There is a time for silence (Ecclesiastes 3:7). Sometime the best comeback to an attack is choosing silence and allowing the Lord to fight for you (Exodus 14:14).

Lord, “set a guard at my mouth. Keep watch over the door of my lips” (Psalm 141:3).