stephen R Harrison

I recently sat through a refresher of biblical counseling 101. It actually was refreshing. Counseling is something that is part of my job and calling. People often ask for advice in many situations and come to me as their pastor wanting biblical wisdom and instruction. This week, I counseled a couple about their family dynamics in navigating restoring relationship with their kids and grandkids. I counseled a couple getting married in a few weeks. I counseled someone needing financial advice. I counseled a family through deception that almost led them to leaving the church they love. I counseled a friend who was having lunch with a guy who needed counseling through an extremely rough time of life. All of these, and honestly most of those I’ve ever counseled are like those Robert Jones spoke of when he said, ““Simply put, to please God means to bring him delight by being and doing what he desires.” Their ultimate goal was not primarily to bring resolution but worship to the Lord through their lives.

Where do you start in giving advice to others? This may seem less casual than “biblical counseling”, but we all help others with recommendations and instruction from time to time. It may seem way less than counseling, almost mere suggestions. We must remember how powerful our words are to others in their most troubling moments. Our words are weighty to those desperate for answers so we must choose them wisely.

What resources, attributes, and skill must we possess and exhibit toward others if we called to intervene in times of need? Scripture says we must “bear each other’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2). Here are some bullet points to help us help others in a Christlike fashion:

• We must use God’s Word – what wisdom, truth, and insight do we have that is better?
• We must depend on the Spirit’s guidance – He leads, helps, guides, counsels, and comforts.
• We must pray like everything depends on God – He alone heals. He alone is wise.
• We must display genuine kindness – it must be relational, not clinical.
• We must engage in compassion – they must know we deeply care.
• We must proceed with and give hope – God is faithful, can work miracles, and does heal our deepest wounds.
• We must share our experience and other’s stories – this gives hope to hold on to.
• We must listen with empathy and love – Sometimes giving others space and time to say it out loud (maybe for the first time) creates a place for God to heal.
• We must give action steps – What good is identifying the problem without a plan to resolve it?
• We must provide additional resources – growth and healing happen beyond your advice as people study how to better systematically put God’s Word, ways, and wisdom to work.
• We must be available – follow up, meet again, ask about progress, pray with them.
• We must know when to refer – have a list of trusted biblical professional and licensed clinicians and counselors available you can invite them to consider. We all need to know a variety of helpful people such as pastors, mentors, mental health counselors, doctors, and others who care about the psychological, physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being of people.
• We must be prepared to walk long with others – don’t give advice you aren’t personally doing, don’t desire to follow up with, or revisit.
• We must be willing to be there when/if people fail to follow our advice and when/if their situation worsens – don’t write off people who struggle, believe the best for and in them, love them deeply as Christ would.

There’s more advice to give no doubt. What have you found helpful and necessary as you’ve counseled people?