stephen R Harrison

A prudent servant will rule over a disgraceful son and will share the inheritance as one of the family. -Proverbs 17:2

Leading your family closer to Christ is everything. You have to spend time with them in intentional discipleship to do this. I am often overjoyed and overwhelmed by the responsibility God has entrusted to me as a man who is a husband and father. I love my family. My life’s mission through my vocation has been to make disciples, predominantly through the local church. I’m honored and humbled to serve and lead. Even if I wasn’t a pastor, my first disciples are my wife and kids. 

Solomon has a ton to say to families in Proverbs. Proverbs 17:1-6 specifically speaks to families: parents, grandparents, sons, brothers, and all who live in the house (a house full, v. 1). Solomon gives us some excellent marks of a godly home in verse one. He says the home is to be peaceful, quiet, and void of strife. What a great place to live! Notice he didn’t mention possessions or material things. When I’ve prayed in homes with families in other countries (Haiti, Peru, India, etc.), their top requests are for their marriage and family. They ask for peace, health, and growth in Christ. All those families live in 12’ x 12’ one-room homes with dirt floors made of subpar materials like cane and scrap metal, without running water and electricity. They know what’s valuable in a family, and it’s not furnishings and possessions! I can’t count the number of counseling sessions I’ve had with couples because of finances and materialistic matters. Oh, to live a peaceful, quiet life in a home with no strife!

Men, we can set the tone for this. One way I’ve learned to do this is to put away the hobbies that can rob my family of the resources of time, money, and intentional thought. For me, I decided to stop playing golf and hunt. I was spending inordinate amounts of time and money on these, and it was hurting my family. It’s not wrong to do these things, but I found that “to keep up,” I would have to pay for memberships, equipment, etc., which took limited resources from my family. Even things that didn’t necessarily cost any money like watching football (sports) all day have the potential to rob from my family. They were causing me to be away from family when I needed to be home (especially when my kids were younger and couldn’t do these with me). It may work for another family, but as I prayed and processed, these hobbies weren’t going to help mine flourish if I was away all day on my “off day” and spending money we didn’t have on things we didn’t need to hunt for something none of us ate. Hear me, I’m not against golf and hunting. Some families use those things to grow closer to one another. Wonderful! For us, they would be selfish and expensive hobbies that hurt my family financially and cause me not to be present. Whatever it is that is causing strife instead of peace in your home, trust me, it isn’t worth what it robs from your family.

In verse 2, Solomon stresses that status, like material possessions, can also be something that robs from your household. “Better a wise servant than a shameful son” means it’s better to take a lesser role if it leads to wisdom than a higher position that leads one to shame. Some guys can be workaholics. We tend to define ourselves by our vocations. Mainly because we spend half (or more) of our waking day at work. If “climbing the corporate ladder” is causing you to spend less time with family, it may be worth considering downsizing your lifestyle. If advancing your career diminishes your family, it’s time to make a change. 

“Children’s children are a crown to one’s head, and parents are the pride of their children” (6) takes on the opposite image of strife and chaos depicted in verse 1. Everyone desires a fulfilled family and to enjoy a long life and blessings. Parents want to say they are proud of their kids, but Solomon portrays a rewarded life where children can be proud of their parents. Growing your family has far more return on investment than career and hobbies ever could. Possessions and prestige can never compare to family. What does a man have if he gains everything the world has to offer but loses his family in the process?

Questions to Ponder

1. Is peace a leading quality of your home?
2. What causes strife in your marriage and family?
3. What verse stands out the most to you?
4. What other questions came to mind?

Actions to Take

1. Evaluate the leading factors of strife in your family. They probably include money and time in some way. List steps to help alleviate strife and bring peace.
2. As you read Proverbs 17, what other wise choices and qualities can help your family flourish?

Scriptures to Read

Proverbs 14:26, 15:20, 20:20, 22:6, 31:10-11

Prayers to Pray

Jesus, I want to be a man who disciples his family well. Help me be fully present with them. Help me protect time with them to grow in the Lord and build relationships. Whatever may hinder this, help me make adjustments that promote the call to love and lead them well. Please help us create a home of peace and avoid strife. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. In Jesus’ name, Amen.