stephen R Harrison

• No Self-Control        

Just as Paul mentioned the need for elders to be self-controlled, temperate, sober-minded, and disciplined, he also identified specific areas that are contrary to these qualities. Paul tells Timothy and Titus that elders should not be given to drunkenness. The Old and New Testaments are clear that drunkenness is a sin (Proverbs 20:1; Ephesians 5:18). Because drunkenness is so destructive to the lives of those they serve, elders should steer clear of being a bad example to people, such as those who struggle with alcoholism and those who have been affected by an alcoholic family member or drunk driver. The lack of self-control would extend to overeating, gambling, drugs, anger, greed, and many other areas of life.

Discussion Questions:

1. Are you out of control in any of the areas listed above? Is there another area where you struggle with self-control?
2. Would someone close to you (wife, boss, children, family, etc.) characterize your life as out of control in a particular area?
3. In the past, how have you exhibited a lack of self-control? How have you overcome in these areas?

• Hospitable

Both Timothy and Titus are instructed to ordain elders who are hospitable (1 Timothy 3:2; Titus 1:8). Hospitality is a manifestation of love, kindness, compassion, and goodness in action. An elder should display these towards his family, church, and community. He should be kind and generous towards the poor, the lonely, and the vulnerable, not just towards those with whom he is close or likes. The way an elder treats others, especially family members, reflects their maturity in areas like love, respect, and honor. 

Discussion Questions:

1. Give examples of how you regularly serve and care for your wife and kids.
2. Give examples of how you are consistently compassionate and kind towards the poor, needy, lonely, and vulnerable.
3. Who have you displayed hospitality towards in the past 6 months? 

• Gentle

Paul says elders should “not be violent but gentle”.  They should also not be overbearing and quick-tempered. Gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit that is to be present in every believer’s lifestyle. When someone describes an elder, some of the first words they should use are, “they sure are gentle.” Paul defines gentleness by listing abhorrent opposites. While he could have simply said “be gentle,” he was clear about what gentleness did not look like. A man who is violent in their actions and speech with others, especially his family, should not be an elder. If a man has tendencies of being overbearing at work and quick-tempered when things do not go his way, he should not be an elder. Gentleness is not void of boldness and power. It does not abuse or misuse them. Gentleness is meekness that we should learn from Jesus’ model (Matthew 11:29). Jesus said he was gentle and humble in heart. Humility produces gentleness. Elders who are not gentle in their approach with church members “lord it over them” (1 Peter 5:3) instead of being humble (1 Peter 5:5-6). 

Discussion Questions:

1. Have you ever been “heavy-handed” with those you lead? 
2. Does your leadership lead to peace or chaos? Explain.
3. How do you practice being slow to speak, slow to anger, and quick to listen?

• Not Quarrelsome

In 1 Timothy 5:17, the Apostle Paul says that elders who work to lead the church well should be “considered worthy of double honor”. There is no way to do this while being quarrelsome. As an elder teaches and contends for the truth of God’s Word, they should not be arrogant or always be looking for a spiritual fight. Someone who is quarrelsome is the opposite of peaceful. Instead of being contentious, an elder should be respectful, humble, and considerate of others. 

Discussion Questions:

1. Do you often find yourself in arguments about Scripture? Why? About what?
2. Would your spouse say you always have to have your way or insist on being “right”? 
3. Give recent examples of how you’ve tried to be humble, considerate, and peaceful.