stephen R Harrison

• Faithful to His Wife

Both Timothy and Titus are told that an elder must be faithful to his wife. Paul said they should be “one women men” who believe marriage is a covenant partnership with their wife for a lifetime. God created marriage (Genesis 2:24). If the church body views an elder’s marriage as unstable, it can cause them to question their leadership ability in the church as well. No marriage is perfect, but an elder’s marriage must be genuinely united and visibly growing in Christ. An elder must display sincere love and spiritual leadership. He must love his wife as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25). He must not be flirtatious with other women. He must be accountable and walk within boundaries that honor marriage and specifically his wife. He must put her before their children but never before Christ. An elder’s wife must agree with, support, and understand his calling. An elder must be sexually pure in marriage or above reproach in singleness. A man does not have to be married to serve as an elder, but if he is, his marriage should be a visible picture of Paul’s description of marriage in Ephesians 5:21-33 and Peter’s in 1 Peter 3:1-7. An elder’s marriage must be an example to the other marriages in the church.

Discussion Questions:

1. What is the honest condition of your marriage? Would your wife agree with your assessment?
2. Are you sexually pure, and is your marriage bed undefiled?  Has there been infidelity of any kind in your marriage (inappropriate messaging, emotional affair, adultery, pornography, etc.)?
3. How does your wife support you in the ministry?

• Children and Family

An elder must be the spiritual leader of his home. His children should respect him because he is a man of God, a faithful husband, and a good father. Paul asked Titus, “If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?” Paul was making the statement that if a man can’t lead his family, he can’t lead the church either. Leading in the home is the litmus test for one’s ability to lead in the church. It is a husband and father’s primary place of leadership and discipleship. If a man’s marriage and family are in disorder and divided, how can they be expected to lead the church into order and unity? An elder should teach his family the Word and model its principles to them. If an elder’s children who live in the home are unruly and do not follow Christ (mainly because he is not discipling them), he should wait to be an elder and concentrate on winning them to Christ and discipling them well.

Discussion Questions:

1. Do your children respect you? How do you know?
2. Explain how you practically and consistently bring your children up in the Lord.
3. Are your children out of control or well-behaved? Are they growing in the Lord? Would others agree with your assessment?

• Teaching the Word

Most of the qualifications for eldership pertain to character. Paul also instructed Timothy and Titus that elders should be able to teach the Word of God. Elders should have a teaching role of Scripture in the local church. While this may involve preaching a sermon, it can also entail teaching a Bible study, small group, or other means of teaching the Word to nourish the flock, such as a new member’s class, spiritual growth classes, or children’s ministry. This means that an elder must be well-versed in the Bible, having read it several times. They must be able to discuss the primary and secondary doctrines of the church. Paul instructed Titus to hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught. An elder must teach the Bible as it was intended, understanding what the Holy Spirit inspired to the authors, the context in which it was written to the first hearers and readers, and how to apply it to our current situations. 

An elder should know how to teach and defend the primary non-negotiable doctrines, such as the resurrection, the deity of Christ, the Trinity, the sufficiency of Scripture, salvation by grace through faith and not by works, and believers’ baptism. They must also be settled in their beliefs about secondary doctrines, such as spiritual gifts. They must not publicly teach against the church’s doctrinal statement. If they have questions, they work them out with the other elders to protect the church’s unity and doctrinal integrity. If an elder cannot agree with and teach the church’s agreed-upon doctrinal statement, they should not be an elder.

From time to time, an elder will encounter those who misunderstand and unintentionally misuse Scripture. They must be able to guide that person in understanding the orthodox meaning of the Word. Occasionally, they will encounter someone deliberately teaching contrary to their church’s agreed-upon understanding of the Word. They should be able to explain why they and their church believe and teach differently. Rarely, they will encounter someone bent on blatant false teaching. They should be able to not only defend the Scriptures but, in this case, protect the unity of the church by asking the false teacher to leave the church. In this instance, the elders must be united in their efforts. Paul wrote extensively about false teachers in the church (e.g., Romans 16:17-20; 1 Timothy 6:3-5) and referred to them as wolves who would prey on the flock (Acts 20:29-31). Elders help the church body: 

“Reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” -Ephesians 4:13-15

Discussion Questions:

Have you read and do you fully agree with your church’s doctrinal statement? If not, take time to read it this week, and let’s discuss it next time we meet. If you do disagree, in which part? Why? Can you support your claim biblically?

Have you read through the Bible more than once? 

Can you teach the major doctrines of the Bible and know where to find them in Scripture? (Examples: Explain the Trinity and give references. Explain the deity of Christ and give references. Explain communion and give references.)