stephen R Harrison

I’m writing through the book of James (in book form this fall). Here’s a sample:

            My personality style, according to the DISC profile, is a strong “S” (Steady) followed by a close “C” (Conscientious). I’m as far away from the “D” (Dominance) side as one can get. I don’t have to have the first or last word, and the results I value are relational and legacy-driven, not results-oriented. I typically lead through serving, teamwork, and steadiness. Calmness, listening, and dependability are some of my strengths. Why do I share this? It is good to know one’s personality strengths and weaknesses. They affect every relationship. Some of my personality weaknesses are a fear of letting people down, a tendency to avoid confrontation, and a tendency to rush into decisions (which can cause me to resist taking leaps of faith). I’ve worked hard to overcome these by giving these fears over to the Lord and allowing him to build genuineness, contentment, and faith.

            One of the most impactful verses I consistently lean on is James 1:19. James admonishes his “dear brothers and sisters” to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry”. Although similar, this goes beyond my personality style. At times, I’ve been quick to listen because I didn’t want to step into conflict. I’ve been slow to speak so as not to give advice others may think is wrong. I’ve been slow to anger outwardly but fuming internally. I’ve been slow to listen to others wiser than me. I’ve been quick to speak when I didn’t pray first through my response. I’ve been quick to anger (usually privately) when frustrated. All these qualities speak to Christlike character, especially that of self-control. Couldn’t you explain James 1:19 as listening well, speaking wisely, and controlling your emotions? 

Self-control, I’ve learned, is really giving God control. Too often, I think through what I want to say while someone else is talking, instead of leaning in and seeking to understand. I’ve found myself “without words” at times because I didn’t pursue Godly wisdom through prayer and time in His Word. Anger, usually manifested in me as frustration and anxiousness/worry, typically supersedes when I take my eyes off Jesus. I’m not as overcome by these as I was in my 20s or 30s, but now that my 40s are quickly passing by, I realize even more how much I need God to teach me what it means to listen, speak, and control my emotions into the hopeful decades ahead. 

We need God to teach us to be quick to listen. A verse I tend to reflect on when attempting to actively listen to others is Proverbs 18:13: “To answer before listening, that is folly and shame.” Even though I may not interrupt, formulating a response while someone is pouring out their heart keeps me from sincerely bearing their burden. Being fully present and giving our undivided attention is more than a skill to be attained. It is a gift we must receive from the Holy Spirit. I think it’s formed as we are still, undistracted, and patiently listening in unhurried time with the Lord. Only then can we learn to be present, settled, and attentive. Instead of appearing bothered, rushed, or unconcerned, doesn’t earnest listening communicate love – to God and others?

We need God to teach us to be slow to speak. James got the order right. Learning to listen shapes how we respond. Proverbs 18:2 says, “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.” This chapter is rich with wisdom concerning our speech. Our words are “deep waters” (4). Foolish words “bring strife” and can even “invite a beating” (6). Foolish talk can be our “undoing” (7). In reality, the mouth is connected to the heart. That’s what Proverbs 18:12 teaches: “Before a downfall the heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor.” Did you notice a keyword in that verse? Humility is what we need from the Lord to control our speech. If we “bite our tongue” before allowing our words to bypass our thoughts, we’d be much better off. Words need time to process. We must run them through His Word. We must prayerfully consider our responses. We must ask, “Are my words life-giving? Do they honor the Lord? Are they what I live by and want to be known for? Are they consistent with Scripture?”  

We need God to teach us to be slow to anger. Oh, how not listening and foolish talk have led to my own frustrations and anger! When I’ve slowed down to listen to the Lord and the wisdom of others, my words and actions have been more holy, which has led to little or no anger (or any form of it). I guess that’s why they call it being “quick-tempered”! Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” How true! How connected are all three of James’ warnings! They are all connected to the heart. Proverbs 15:18 warns, “A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.” Before I can listen to others or give them advice, I must be aware of my own heart condition and state of mind. If they are out of alignment with God, I must first listen to him and allow him to speak correction and truth. If not, I’ll fail at all three of James’ vital commands.

If I am to practice these right with others, I must first learn them from God. Am I quick to listen to God and receive and obey the counsel of His Word and promptings of His Spirit? Am I walking in his ways and practicing his holiness in every area of my life? Do I resist, disobey, or quench the Spirit? Do I trust the Lord, or do I become frustrated and angry with Him when things don’t go as planned? The preschool song I learned as a kid still sings true: “Oh be careful little ears what you hear…Oh be careful little mouth what you say…Oh be careful little mind what you think…Oh be careful little heart whom you trust…For the Father up above is looking down in love…so be careful” – be quick, be slow, be slow.